Synthetic Exhistance

I'm frustrated...
I'm set off easily
And wish things would just once turn out like their planned...
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE...

GODS...

grrr...

grrrrrrrr arrrgggggger....

I'm so tired...

So sad, but given up even being sad cuz it won't get me anywhere...

 

anyone out there know someone personally that does silk screening?

 

Todays my day off and I've got a lavish day of lounging around planned, with some nice & easy baked pasta for lunch, go see 'Pan's Laberinth" this afternoon w/Ryan then supper somewhere out and the Symphony Orchestra does "Video Games LIVE" tonight! I'm ubber excited but entirely mellow and thats the way I intend to keep it all day *laughs*

 

I'll gripe about stuff tomorrow, today is mine dammit *grinz*

Mmmm its the 21st today...

I'm happily down in camrose visiting ma mum and grandma, tonigh; despite my original wanting to be home today, will be staying to enduldge in a earily b-day party thing for ma mummy.Get to see my dear sweet Aunty Marcy so I'm looking forward to it.

I'm actually siting in the house all on my own while ma mum is at work and my lil isis is at school, I gotta phone home today though and talk to the ol'man.

 

 So... because this comp is such utter crap and is only running on 196RAM I won't go into great detail in this entry, juz a quick:

MERRY FRICKEN BIRTH OF CHRIST YOU HEETHANS!!!! *grinz* yeah seasons greetinz all and off I go for now!

~Kashie

Well here's a little bit...

I dunno where to even start; I'm afraid to write the things that run through my mind though; because I am brutal and mean, malicious and honest... And though I can be seen as a cold hearted bizniatch; at times through these random writtings of mine... I swear to be as honest as whatever lives I've lived, have given me the courage to do so.

Jah* (<-- a sighing sound*)
Honestly I have a ball of hurt lodged in my chest, pretty much right in my solarplexis... not pain; as in caused by a physical blow; an injury, accident or illness of traditional measures. I can compair it only to as if having been shot in some non-vital area and when I close my eyes I feel as if I had been running through some dark rain-soaked wood; arrow protruding but trudging on.

Sometimes I feel torn and confused; uncertin of who I am or what I want to be or do. I know this is not uncommon; and whenever I feel the urge, the desire, want... the utter NEED to release things from being with-in me; bottled up and left unsaid. Its like lieing to not say these things I think sometimes.. haha, and ugh.. again... a headache... I've been getting them on and off over a week or so now.

Hnnn maybe its in relation to everything going on in my head? Maybe to those things in my family? Those things with my friends? Maybe its ESP for bad news (not nessicarily for myself)? Or a tumor... or just... headaches... from too much bloody thinking...

And maybe thats why I smoke alot of weed; because it helps me not to think about it most times. Hn... and I really don't care to think about it too much more right now; I'll write again.... I will, always do though it may take me time; good thing we possess nothing if not time ^_^

Yes... thats what I'm doing.

I should be going to sleep

I should be trying to catch up on the rest I've missed the last while

....

mmmm

I love appricots

*munch munch munch*

 

Ahaha; I feel the need to ruffle my mane and toss my head in a battlecry! *chuckles*
Sleep... yeah; I'll get some of that; luckily I've got three days off to do that.

Plans?

Call some friends from werk to confirm pool on tues; Call Cal and see sup, ummmm....

Prob get some more on my mask done and start trying to work on mods for halloween costume ^_~

I'm winning on a Tophat finally! *laughs*

Off I go; typing (although fast) takes to long and cuts into my killing time! *grrr*

Yes yes, an entry...

 

*paces around with a pensive expression; weaving erraticly figure 8's in my head*
hnnnnn....

*feels nausious*
St--opp... guh... Stop the World!

Dun the ride.

 

Well... I want to write this quickly but unfortunetly i'm not sure what to type about; to just type what is up with me or well...

Announce I'm not lost? Have not been getting lured into the forest chasing a leprachan; run off to distant place with a lengthy haired Adonis on armor clad steeds; accepting candy from strangers and rides in their cars ^_^

Work treats me well; I am getting alot of hours but I feel I am not proforming proficiently enough and am perhaps slacking off a bit to much; not representing the right image for my department. Sounds corney but I respect my department and take great pride in knowing the responcibilities my boss trusts me with, but I think I get carried away gabbing lately; being a smart ass and most definetly a bit too crass and strange. *laughs* I'm starting to wonder if they don't think I'm a little crazy.

I analize the way I spent my day and I realize I achieved little today and have an earily day ahead tomorrow; with little time for sleep in middle. I know I have not been feeling well lately and am moody; nothing to cause concern, haha.
Anyhow; ha I dunno; thats life right now; I worry alot about work. ^_^

I get distracted alot; lmao. (10 mins later)

I'm going to do kareoke with the Rock Goddess and my cousin April; maybe a few other peeps on Saturday. Not quite sure where yet but we're working on it  *chuckles* Should be fun.
Spent thanksgiving with my family; had turkey and spent day at home on farm with grandma; It was wonderful to be back. I miss everyone but when I think about how much everyone has changed; I realize that I've changed a helluva lot too. Hnn; I feel like I'm keeping secrets and secrets are like lies and saying whatever I think out loud is not so much being lewd (not ALL the time and with some refrain most of the time) as not just freely being honest. Hm; must learn refrain maybe?

haha; anyways I need to go to bed; so yeah; umm thanksgiving was excellent; spent night at moms, had turkey, got a pie and some turkey, visited with fam, gave sister shit, some sembalence of the unity we once had alot more off. lol that sounds sad; no, we've all just been to busy; life is consuming. And I'm rambling; so goodnite *waves*
Sleep well; and yeah, godz only know when I'll update this again *cackles and winks at one perticular black cat who's eyes are scanning these words from her little window into my world*

G'nite and G'day world; till I write again.

 

P.S. I've updated my DA accnt: http://kashiechan.deviantart.com

 

 

Firstly; haha, thankx Karey for reminding me to do this at least once ever 6 months or so...haha

so much for my consistancy when it came to keeping a log of what was going on!

HA

 

Whats new... whats new...lots I suppose;

I have been working on an art project with a business assoc. of mine for the last few months; not sure if it had started back in my last post but I can say this... I still haven't been paid for the work done yet because I've been waiting on damn contracts! GRRR!!!!! International copyright and trademark is a B*TCH! Now finally after MONTHS the paper work has been finished and now I can't seem to get a free moment for my friend to actually get me the damn papers so i can not only have my Aunt (a lawyer) review them to make sure I'm not getting shafted somehow; but to bloody SIGN THEM and FINALLY recieve payment for the artwork that was done over 4 months ago now.

Frustrated you may ask? ..... yeeeeeah.... just a TWEEEEEEEE bit.... -___-

Hopefully time scheduals can co-enside this week; lords know I've tried setting this up5 times so far and I'm really getting agrivated having no vehical and haveing to do all the running.

 

Anyhow... done that gripe... No luck with the diet; *laughs* I haven't gained anymore but i haven't lost anything either. I'm doing better for my food choices for the most part; now I just have to stop being so damned lazy and getting fastfood when I go for lunch at werk; and sometimes before if I don't have time or work really eairly... mmmmmmm ... BLT Beggal.... *drool*

Have been rollarblading; just not the everyday that I have planned to. ha... This thing called modivation is great w hen I have it!

 

When it boils down to it I think its also a matter of not having a active working life or really doing anything dedicated physically during my average week. I go for walks much more and do make trips on my blades across town or to friends; go play frizbee at the ledge grounds and try to encourage my friends to come along too but this means every day I'm off I'm trying to cramp full of outdoors things... so its never really feeling like a day off sometimes; haha.

 

....

On the work front; which ties into the lack of movement junk above; ... LP admin is going fine; I'm FINALLY being cross trained to do the LP Agent side (the actual store walking and apprehention) not that I didn't know most of it but I still need training to work that side. Basicly I .... 1) need the hours ... 2) wanna wear normal clothes to work for once... (damn yellow) ... 3) NEED TO MOVE... sitting on my ass at the Admin desk is NOT helping me.

 

So we'll see how things go; my year is on July 27th... I'm expected to get a raise and my benifits kick in (though they aren't that damn great), but unless its a decent up on  my current wage and my shifts smooth out a little more than   5-10am one day, 11-7:30 the next... off a day... 5-10pm closing... yeah... its a total clusterfuck...

Anyhow; I'm starting to seriously consider going and working with my roomie at Black Cat Blades; the company I did some artwork for a while ago; but doing far from art; I'd be working either C&C or Shipping. Finally!!!

Another job (probably my 2nd since highschool) that actually involved PHYSICAL LABOR and WORK! And with a start of $13.50... although it is shift work; 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off... and rotates nights and days every month; the phsycal benifiits to me would be worth it as well as the HEAVY paycheques are a definet Plus, more so a desperate need.

I can't keep surviving off of chicken scratch and the kindness of others; I've been too co-dependent and its making me sick with myself. >____<

 

...

So yeah... hey? its 3:pm... did I mention I just woke up when I started typing this... which is NOT 1:42pm, but was 2:42pm... 17 mins and this is my post; I think that's a good update for now. haha

 

oh health wize; had some odd things happen, nothing haven't pulled through from; for now alls well; I have a HUGE SCA event comming up next month and life so far is not FABU but it's grand and I'm never one to accept any possibility that no matter how rough things may start out; that they can't get better ^_~

 

Hey; I've made it this far *laughs*